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Recent Articles By Andrea Grimes

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After weeks of painstaking research and late-night expeditions that had turned up next to nothing, I was finally on the verge of a breakthrough. I found myself standing, nearly motionless, in the dark, warm environment that I'd identified as the native habitat of the creature I'd been trying so hard to track down: Homo sapiens douchebagus, a hard-partying bipedal primate indigenous to Dallas.

Many people know this creature better by its common name: the $30,000 millionaire. The name is derived from their distinctive behavioral pattern of spending more money than they make in an attempt to appear wealthy and desirable. A clever creature, adept at camouflage, Homo sapiens douchebagus is a peculiar species, and evidence of its existence is largely anecdotal. I hoped to capture one in the wild.

Earlier that night, as I approached my target location downtown, I took note of the telltale signs that experts agree indicate a high likelihood of nearby douchebagus populations. First, there was the valet stand advertising an $8 fee. Like the symbiotic relationship between a clown fish and the sea anemone that houses it, a $30,000 millionaire is never far from a valet. I handed over my keys to a black-shirted attendant and immediately spotted the next signal: a velvet rope.

Because a good pair of $200 leather loafers rarely leaves tracks on the sidewalks of Dallas, a velvet rope is usually the surest indication of a $30,000 millionaire's location. I'd arrived early on purpose. Tonight's expedition was more of a stakeout than a hunt, so the long line of club-going hopefuls that every $30,000 millionaire hopes to bypass with a quick "What's up, bro?" to the bouncer had not yet formed.

The black-clad doorman unclipped the velvet rope before me, and I descended into a world of neon blue. This was Mantus, and today was Naked Sunday. In 3.5-inch suede Cole Haan heels, wearing a tiny pair of what a salesgirl had assured me were "winter shorts" and with a head full of painstakingly straightened hair, I had done my best to imitate the target mate of the $30,000 millionaire: trendy, scantily clad, but otherwise unremarkable. No flash, no glow. I would leave that to my quarry.

In the bar, credit cards passed from patron to bartender. Discarded glasses containing half-bitten olives and over-squeezed limes littered the scene. As I forked over $7 for a well whiskey and cola, waves of imminent douchebaggery washed over me. Tonight was my night. I moved toward the back of the room, near the VIP lounge and high-definition televisions.

The bar, an increasingly popular type of Dallas drinking establishment known as an "ultra lounge," filled as the minutes ticked closer to midnight. I sipped my whiskey and sucked in my stomach, smiling slightly. To my surprise, many potential specimens were looking my way. My heart pounded. How close I was to making actual human-to-douchebag contact! Yes, it seemed every guy who came within 10 feet of me took a good, long look. It was like they couldn't help but stare at this fine piece of girl-bait. I sucked up my drink, fast, and tried to look thirsty and vacant.

My oglers fit the profile magnificently. A guy in a white shirt sewn from neckline to hem with superfluous off-white patches glanced over three times. His buddy, in a dark green sport coat and Kenneth Cole sneakers, followed suit. Across the walkway, a dude with a bleached faux-hawk and four silver necklaces gave me the eye. I was on the verge of deciding which one of these guys would be the first to buy me a drink when a flash of pink just a few inches to my left caught my eye. I turned my head and realized, to my horror, that the flash of pink was exactly that.

Less than a foot from my head, on the high-definition television, was a giant, gyrating female organ, freshly waxed: the real object of all those glances I'd thought I'd been getting. Naked Sundays at Mantus are taken literally—soft-core porn played on the screen all night. I abandoned my post immediately and was forced to come up with an emergency plan. Thirsty and vacant could not compete with this broadcast of flesh.

The porn on the wall served as a powerful reminder: The $30,000 millionaire is accustomed to instant gratification. He cannot be expected to work or wait for anything. I would not only have to insinuate myself into his environment, but I would have to offer myself up to him on a (leased) silver platter. But I remained resolute: In the name of overpriced martinis everywhere, Homo sapiens douchebagus would be mine.

Elusive and, some say, mythical, the $30,000 millionaire is a creature of legend among the denizens of Dallas nightlife. Used frequently as a term of derision, the $30,000 millionaire is often referenced but rarely captured because it is a master of camouflage: $30,000 millionaires live above their means, usually with the aid of multiple credit cards and sympathetic family units, spending more money than they make on items such as leased luxury cars, designer clothing and $14 drinks.

Fancying myself an intrepid, if boozy, anthropologist, I tried to find out as much as I could about these beings. My hope: to make this urban legend a reality by observing Homo sapiens douchebagus in its native environment. Dallas, with its low cost of living, plentiful jobs and affinity for the flashier, finer things in life, is the $30,000 millionaire's ideal habitat. Exclusive clubs­—ultra lounges—offering bottle service and supposedly airtight guest lists make it that much easier for the $30,000 millionaire to convince himself he is living large.

Live capture may be rare, but sightings are not uncommon, especially in the areas of North Texas where douchebagus is believed to make its nest, forage for food and search for mates. The anthropologist looking for $30,000 millionaires should begin in Uptown, Knox-Henderson or Addison.

Write Your Comment show comments (113)

  1. It's about sleeping with hot chicks. You play the role you have to play.

    ...otherwise you end up going home with a frumpy writer...

    Comment by Rooster — November 28, 2007 @ 11:39PM

  2. Great article! I totally read it on my iPhone while cruising in my BMW 3 series (top down of course) listening to "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews.

    Comment by Chirs Chris — November 29, 2007 @ 10:07AM

  3. Rooster, you totally got it, bra! The only reason I faux-hawk my thinning hair and put on my party shirt (one side tucked in because I'm all business, one side hanging out because I like to party) is so I can creep out on skanks at Republic or Tribeca. Or, if it's late at night, and I haven't allowed any beotches near me while I'm hanging out by the bar (I mean, they can come talk to me, right? Why should I walk across the bar and talk to THEM? I'm in finance, after all), I might pick up a drunk SMU girl at the Loon. You feel me, bra?

    In all seriousness, great f'n article! I'm ashamed to admit that some of it hits close to home. You forgot to mention the greatest Homo sapiens douchebagus known to man, Cash McMogulson! He makes deals!

    Comment by H-Dog — November 29, 2007 @ 10:39AM

  4. You missed one of the true watering holes of the $30K Millionaire, The Grapevine, strangely enough. In fact, I am banned from the Grapevine at this moment due to one of these douchebags. After listening to him and his brain-dead wingman yip it up about looking for high school girls, I called him on his cool tips and Versace-styled shirt, and questioned the sexuality of anyone dressed thusly. Long story short-he made a reference to my weight, I bitch-faced him, and now I can no longer frequent the best bar in Dallas. It was almost worth it.

    Comment by LesbiniOne — November 29, 2007 @ 10:50AM

  5. Are these the same people who, when finally settling down they move up to Frisco to mortgage themselves to the hilt with their McMansions and SUVs, and play a life or death game of "Keep up with the Joneses"?

    Comment by charlie — November 29, 2007 @ 10:59AM

  6. Absolutely hilarious. My wife and I are going to have to go to some of these establishments for the people watching. Sounds like it's pretty good! It's funny, my wife and I both clear 3x the "cover charge" and we both drive older vehicles with their fair share of mileage and parking lot dings. Cars depreciate. Depreciation bad.

    Comment by Brian — November 29, 2007 @ 03:06PM

  7. Too bad you didn't run into Chris-Chris of The Ticket fame.
    Douch Vader indeed....

    Comment by don — November 29, 2007 @ 03:15PM

  8. Oh you've got it nailed!!! Make your way to Scottsdale sometime to find the breeding land for the $30,000 millionaires!!! You can't escape the douchbags here!

    Comment by Michelle — November 29, 2007 @ 03:35PM

  9. absolutely, positively fucking BRILLIANT. but instead of the baby doll tee i envisioned you in khaki fatigues a la the crocodile hunter. (RIP) scathing and funny as hell. thank you for brightening my day young lady....

    Comment by matty j — November 29, 2007 @ 04:26PM

  10. It should also be noted that the Homo sapien douchebagus and Homo sapien gold-diggus have a symbiotic existence. Without the support of Homo sapien gold-diggus the Homo sapien douchebagus could not exist. What am I saying? .. all the idiot chicks who give these guys "what they want" are increasing the Homo sapien douchebagus population both literally and figuratively by promoting this dillusional behavior. The girls want to live the fantasy so go ahead and keep lying to them and when the day comes that they realize that not everyman wants them anymore it going to be a very harsh realization to overcome. G'Luck with that!

    Comment by db — November 29, 2007 @ 04:42PM

  11. That was pretty much the most brilliant thing I've read in awhile. Way to expose the douche bags of Dallas!

    Comment by Itchy Richie — November 30, 2007 @ 01:10AM

  12. That was pretty much the most brilliant thing I've read in awhile. Way to expose the douche bags of Dallas!

    Comment by Itchy Richie — November 30, 2007 @ 01:11AM

  13. I see a pattern. Girl on Top tries to get invited to high school party, but no one tells her where one is. Girl on Top goes to Ghost Bar, but no one buys her a drink. Girl on Top goes hunting for 30,000k millionaires and nobody tries to pick her up. I can't help but think that this weeks cover story is a bonefied case of the pot calling the kettle a douchebag.

    Comment by swizzami — November 30, 2007 @ 09:06AM

  14. Ha Ha! Great article. Has anyone seen the 30 Thousand Dollar Millionaire website? www.30kdm.com HILARIOUS!

    Comment by 30kdm — November 30, 2007 @ 10:23AM

  15. Freakin' hilarious! Now back to my search on the latest with "Where's Greggo?"

    Comment by jezzabel — November 30, 2007 @ 12:12PM

  16. Nice article and pretty spot on. The only problem is that the term $30K Millionaire has been in circulation since at least 1991, if not earlier.

    I remember it being a term used at SMU when we would hit the bars and see these guys a few years out of college doing exactly what is described in this article.

    Comment by Bob — November 30, 2007 @ 03:02PM

  17. This is an awesome article. Not quite as vicious as her amazing Ghostbar review, but still really good.

    Comment by Duncan — November 30, 2007 @ 03:39PM

  18. I thought that the article was the funniest thing I read until I read the defensive comments here from homo sapiens douchebagus. What the hell are they doing on the Internet anyway? Shoulden't you guys be using that money to pay the minimum on your credit card bills?

    Andrea - If you decide to do a follow-up at any point you should check out "972" and "Blackfinn" in Addison. Both are hot spots for Homo sapiens douchebagus.

    Comment by Doug — November 30, 2007 @ 04:03PM

  19. You need to get laid...

    Everyone has known that everyone in Dallas has been like that forever. How is this "target male" any different from the chicks that don't go to community college and drive a (leased) Lexus SUV?

    Everyone in Dallas is Fake... Including T.O., can't wait for him to get to the Super Bowl and lose again BTW.

    Comment by The Counte — November 30, 2007 @ 04:15PM

  20. Im one of the guys in the picture and I laugh at the article . I think I speak for alot of guys when I say why are we being judged for going out and havin a good time . How are we supposed to dress ? Should we all dress like our dads and wear ties? Are we not suposed to talk to girls ? Thats why people go out to meet people . Thats why the bar business make millions . I work hard and I play hard and make money to spend it and I enjoy myself and enjoy being with my friends . I came with the girl in the picture so how was trying to pick her up ? Whoever took that pic didnt take the time to find out what I'm all about and took a bad picture of me while Im looking down and because Im thumbing through a few bucks to pay the valet or tip a bartender doesnt mean I cant make my car payment . I drove it there . And it cost more than her salary I gurantee that . I have two investment properties and own a company .30,000 millionaire my ass. Thats five hundred a week in a year . I spend that on bottle service or buyin shots for my friends in one night havin a good time and it aint on no damn credit card.. Sounds to me like just another hater trying to get a rise out of guys . I am not stressin your little article . My friends and people who know me know what Im all about . Guys out there keep havin fun and do what you do don't stress haters tryin to get a rise out of us laugh it off like me spend your money the way you want too and enjoy life!!!

    Comment by mark — November 30, 2007 @ 04:52PM

  21. LOVED IT! I laughed out loud, literally, several times sitting at my desk at work. I loved that you picked the studying to be a hairdresser bit. Dead on girl. Dead on. Had one date with one of these guys once. Had dinner and he asked me to split the bill...he drove away in his BMW and we never spoke again. wow. Learned my lesson real quick..

    Comment by Andrea — November 30, 2007 @ 05:09PM

  22. Why Come?

    Comment by Big Cry — November 30, 2007 @ 07:23PM

  23. Damn it, Johnson, you are fat, loser, give up. Stay away from Dallas. You can't wear tight shirts so you don't fit in. Oh, and get a job, you mooch.

    Comment by Daddy — November 30, 2007 @ 07:32PM

  24. Deja vu. Didn't we do this in April? Ghost Bar rules.

    Comment by bombs and butterflies — November 30, 2007 @ 08:01PM

  25. And we're off!

    Melt

    Comment by WowwyZowee — November 30, 2007 @ 08:02PM

  26. I completely relate to this article. Man and my brother are mongoloids. We use Panis tronz to pretend our family from South Carolina isn't trash. Some people actually believe us.

    My brother BushLeaguer had to travel by Greyhound to Panis concerts and sell crack because our family is poor. My brother is in a famous you tube video. He is strung out and dancing on the streets to Built to Spill's Doug Martsch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ABZPinjaFY

    Comment by Chick Fil Hey — November 30, 2007 @ 08:21PM

  27. Panis?

    Comment by n00b — November 30, 2007 @ 08:26PM

  28. The author is very harsh here. Its just people making an honest days living and then having fun. I'm trying to move up the ladder too and start a Pizza business in CA with my wife but we haven't gotten things off the ground yet. I currently sell carpet and she is a busgirl/drink poorer at a local steak restaurant. We make ends meet, and we sometimes get to go out and party too. Anyone want to play xbox live later?? hit me up.

    Comment by Brian Kaufman — November 30, 2007 @ 08:28PM

  29. Girls like assholes.

    Comment by Nig Nog — November 30, 2007 @ 08:40PM

  30. This ones gonna hurt.

    Comment by Daddy's wallet — November 30, 2007 @ 09:09PM

  31. Anyone seen that movie, Powder?

    Comment by Durito — November 30, 2007 @ 09:13PM

  32. Shimay Shimay Dallas Style..

    Comment by D-Hue — November 30, 2007 @ 09:32PM

  33. I am the OG $30k millionaire

    Thanks for giving my kind the attention they deserve. I was also in the marines before I hit the big time.

    Do you think I am attractive? I've got 30 reasons you should be saying yes.

    Comment by KMB — November 30, 2007 @ 10:11PM

  34. I'm rich and smart. Got biscuits?

    Comment by Coast Rhododrendon — December 1, 2007 @ 12:18AM

  35. Hey Baby!! Sorry I missed you while you were out looking for me. If you are going out again I am not busy that night. Would like to see the T-shirt! Drinks on me in the VIP!! Call me!!!

    Comment by Dave — December 1, 2007 @ 07:27AM

  36. Good article. It confirms what I have seen, heard and otherwise experienced since rejoining the ranks of the single in this town but being immediately and viscerally repulsed by the put-on, hickish phoniness of a nightlife filled with a collection of supposed moneyed jerks and the over rated bitches who fall for them every time. In times of weakness I had thought it was maybe me, now I know I was mostly right. I am too cynical for my own good, talking myself out of such prime "entertainment" before I start, but just think of the idiots I have not had to endure! My only wish for these people: that they get spayed or neutered and never vote.

    Comment by Doug — December 1, 2007 @ 08:36AM

  37. Perhaps the most important conclusion is that Homo sapiens gold-diggus and Homo Sapiens Douchebaggus deserve each other. I guess that's why a writer had such trouble locating a specimen. Must be pheremones. I am curious as to how far (home?) you were willing to go in the name of science here.

    Comment by Chris — December 1, 2007 @ 11:29AM

  38. Wonderful story! The subject is something my better half and I find ourselves becoming increasingly interested in and this article made our day. The Dallas Douchebag phenom is one of those things that once you start noticing it, you see it everywhere all the time.

    A couple comments...

    First I would like to point out that the while the 3kM and the Douchebag are frequently one and the same, it's not always that way. There are plenty of douches out there who might actually be financially well-off, but they are no less douchy or annoying than those who are merely fronting. Take the guy with the frosted tips in the picture counting his dollar bills while hugging his bleached golddiggus from behind. He left a comment back there where he went on and on about how much money he really does have, thereby further proving him to be quite the douchebag while possibly relieving him of a 3kM tag. In many aspects these guys are worse than the 3kM because there is a solid chance that they will never bankrupt themselves out of their douchecoma and they might even go on to spawn many douchelings. My point is that while they might have the income to support their lifestyle, they should not exempt them from public ridicule.

    Second I'd like to thank you for bringing up the relationship between the douchebag and the 3-series bimmer. I thought that maybe I was being unfair to the car when making this connection so it's validating to see others making it also. Just don't forget the H2.

    Comment by Douchehunter 4000 — December 1, 2007 @ 12:15PM

  39. The article looked to me more about Homo Sapiens Inferiorityus-Complexus-Insecurus-Writerus.

    Live and let live. If the 30k a year millionaire does exist, it is their life and their money. Who is this chick to judge what they decide to do with it?

    ...unless she's got an axe to grind against a certain segment of the population who otherwise wouldn't give her the time of day

    Comment by Opus — December 1, 2007 @ 01:29PM

  40. Seriously, guys, how do I post pictures?

    Comment by MSU1013 — December 1, 2007 @ 01:38PM

  41. Seems like you spend an abnormal amount of time going after and writing negative pieces about this group of people that you classify as 30k millionaires. You sound angry, jealous and try to pass of your pettiness on to the people you write about.

    Comment by Girth Girthster — December 1, 2007 @ 02:10PM

  42. Seriously I have seen you Andrea Grimes and it would take an extreme douche to hit on you. What was the name of the "douche" that jaded you so bad? Do you want to talk about it? No? Ok, I see you just want to keep writing hit pieces.

    Comment by LK — December 1, 2007 @ 02:17PM

  43. Why do you live in a city surrounded by people you hate? God I hate when people forward me crap from this rag.

    Comment by Smoothie King — December 1, 2007 @ 02:20PM

  44. We all have our reasons for living here. Nothing is forever. I live here because there is no state income tax, I have good airport access, and I own a home in a nice area. Not liking some aspect of the city where you live is hardly a sign of anything other than being able to see what is around and making a value JUDGMENT. Oh yes, that horrible word to the mindless barhopping jackrabbits of Dallas. Get out and see a bit more of the world, then you will have something to compare the "character" of the city to, instead of complaining about those who disdain it for whatever reason. They might be onto something. One thing you might realize is that we are graced/cursed by having two of the most jerky sports team owners in the US, to wit Jones and that insufferable buffoon, Cuban. But money excuses all, doesn't it?

    Comment by Doug — December 1, 2007 @ 02:55PM

  45. In all honesty this is complete bullshit. One of they guys that you took a picture of, Mark is one of my very close friends. Next time you do an article do your research. 30,000 Millionaire my ass. That is absolutely idiotic on your part. In my opinion you must be one of those girls that want the attention from the so called douchbags around you, i dont think that you get it so you choose to gang up on all the guys that do not give you the time of day. I can't even believe they published this. Everyone that read that thinks your an absolute moron. Way to go.

    Comment by Jessica — December 1, 2007 @ 05:13PM

  46. This is a serious subject? In the words of Frank Zappa all those years ago to his early square audiences: "If your children found out how lame you really are they'd murder you in your sleep." This series of posts is a good reflection of how empty the Dallas party and clubgoer mind is, some of you actually waiting for people you seem to know to write crap back? Pfft. You are welcome to it. I am outta here. My final act will be to take a light plane ride over the city, and piss out the window, with special emphasis thanks to a large glass of water, over Deep Ellum, Lower Greenville, and wherever else you maggot hicks hook up.

    Comment by Doug — December 1, 2007 @ 08:23PM

  47. Great article. Reminds me of Lexington, KY. You have never seen so many leased silver Mercedes automobiles and pleated khakis in your entire life. Turn your head, there's another one. As you say, nothing much to do but go out or shop.

    Comment by Chester White — December 2, 2007 @ 09:08AM

  48. John Kerry was the original $30,000 millionaire! (Actually $10,000 back then- inflation and all, ya know!)

    Comment by Howee — December 2, 2007 @ 10:19AM

  49. US > Texas > Dallas > Observer > ghay > End of Show encore

    Comment by birdy_squared — December 2, 2007 @ 10:36AM

  50. I actually make $30,000 a year. What is wrong with that? I'm talented and make "idiots" lists that aren't funny since i'm the biggest idiot around.

    Comment by Jennings Graves — December 2, 2007 @ 11:31AM

  51. This is hilarious and so true - the reason why I don't go out drinking in Dallas except once every few months. Even when I jump out of the shower, wet hair, sweats, glasses, no makeup and a cap to play darts with my guy friends, I know I can go to Addison and still get hit on.

    One thing I have learned from old party days is the Rejection Hotline (972.836.0066). I've used it a few times after getting free drinks from guys. I am slightly worried that my cover will be blown if he tries calling "my number" to check in front of me and realizes that it's saved under another girl's name. haha.

    Comment by Thuy — December 2, 2007 @ 05:20PM

  52. www.30kdm.com

    Comment by 30kdm — December 2, 2007 @ 09:23PM

  53. When your pupils clear up, and you read the article, you might see that the author claims to have never seen a Douchebag except at the end, just a glimpse as he pulled away.

    You whiners need to ask yourselves, why do I see myself in this? A tad sensitive? The Lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

    Good job MT!

    Comment by Mike — December 2, 2007 @ 09:46PM

  54. I think some of your $30K douchebags have escaped and found their way south to Houston. Let us know where we can send them back, okay?

    Comment by dallassux — December 2, 2007 @ 10:01PM

  55. Grow up and get careers losers. Try going to college and doing something with your lives instead of faking it to get laid. One day when you're not young yet still in the same low level job, you'll realize that maybe a career would have been a wiser choice.

    Comment by Haha — December 3, 2007 @ 12:36PM

  56. Doug, you might want to rethink flying over Dallas and tee-teeing out the window. You technically can't do that in an airplane without it getting on your face. My suggestion is to put the plane into a stall (probably like your life) and then let fly.

    The 30K millionaire is great to look at from a distance kind of like looking at a bear in the wild. Just don't allow that bear to cross the stream into the Eastern Bloc.

    Comment by Dallas Can't Academy — December 3, 2007 @ 01:27PM

  57. This might be one of the funniest things I have read all year. We all have these guys in our towns. I come from SoCal, so i know that they may dress different, but they are all the same. Flashy cars, little penises. Its cool, because there are girls out there that service that crowd, and unfortunately you put both of them together and all hell breaks loose. This article is very good and the only reason guys are getting mad at it, is because it hit a little to close to home. Thank you for making me laugh at work

    Comment by Brent — December 3, 2007 @ 03:28PM

  58. Here's what the writer looks like. Makes sense why these cheesedicks would go for her.

    her pic:
    http://a378.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/52/l_7aaaa7dca7d854eb3a3da794657dcc49.jpg

    Aside from that, every city has these cheesedicks in them. If the girl falls for this, than she deserves it.

    Comment by eg — December 3, 2007 @ 03:39PM

  59. To anyone who enjoyed this article, I might point you in the direction of one of the funnier websites I've stumbled on in quite a while - www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Check it out! (Pretty self-explanatory.)

    Comment by Brent — December 3, 2007 @ 03:49PM

  60. How much would it cost for Michael to rub coke on my pink nub?

    Comment by Indy — December 3, 2007 @ 03:56PM

  61. Atlanta Braves Fans In>>>>>>

    Comment by Goldfly — December 3, 2007 @ 06:00PM

  62. Hey,

    I have been thinking about you and that key that is meant to unlock my heart. I am here for you and I long for your touch. I am in touch with my sensitive side but, I am 99.9% man. I dream about you at night.

    And I really think girls are neat-o.

    Love,

    Hay Hay

    Comment by Hayden Oversoul — December 3, 2007 @ 09:58PM

  63. I'm going to move from NY and act like some horn fan die hard. Who is the douche bag again? Can you even name one player for the horns? No, Vince Young doesn't play for them anymore.

    Comment by Aggie — December 3, 2007 @ 10:19PM

  64. Hey guys what's up this article really hit home with me

    Comment by DrillinTheGays — December 3, 2007 @ 10:21PM

  65. Check out this shitty lot shirt

    Comment by yougotyours — December 4, 2007 @ 09:09AM

  66. Dallas, Phoenix, LA/OC all the same. Guys wearing girls jeans and don't pick up the dog shit of their bimbo girlfriends yorkie.

    Comment by Don't like this place — December 4, 2007 @ 10:39AM

  67. Dallas, Phoenix, LA/OC all the same. Guys wearing girls jeans and don't pick up the dog shit of their bimbo girlfriends yorkie.

    Comment by Don't like this place — December 4, 2007 @ 10:39AM

  68. anybody know where Rico and the heatsacks are?

    Comment by Shim a Lim — December 4, 2007 @ 10:57AM

  69. Man, I could really go off on a rant on these kinds of people. They're starting to infiltrate Austin, too, which is infinitely sad.

    When future civilizations look back at the time when America was the ruling power of the world, they will see that the deterioration of our society started when kids started listening to hip hop.

    Comment by Guy — December 4, 2007 @ 11:27AM

  70. Hey, I can sum up this article in one sentence: Ugly girl goes to trendy bars, gets dissed by everyone, gets mad, and writes sarcastic article.

    Don't be a hater just because you're not part of the game. Maybe you can find a struggling artist emo kid down in Deep Ellum to date you. Enjoy your 99-cent value meals.

    Comment by BMWdriver — December 4, 2007 @ 01:56PM

  71. I have to laugh at this article as I do all of them that you write Andrea. Most of what you write is made up in your mind. I do feel sorry for your husband if you were out all those nights trying to get picked up by men.... Or where you there with your husband? It does say swinger on your myspace doesn't it?????

    http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://weddings.theknot.com/weddingwebpage/3273287450195000/3273287450195000_1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view/co_main.aspx%3Fcoupleid%3D3273287450195000%26MsdVisit%3D1&h=333&w=400&sz=46&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=7uMU2ngC9HZ3TM:&tbnh=103&tbnw=124&prev=

    You wonder why no one hit on you? This is why....

    http://www.myspace.com/andreagrimes

    Comment by Bunny — December 4, 2007 @ 05:07PM

  72. Found the article pretty funny but it is me or does she seem a little pissed that the 30kmillionaires didn't fall over themselves for her? Seemed like she thought they were going on fall on her feet.

    Comment by a — December 4, 2007 @ 11:22PM

  73. Ugh this article is something for cosmo or some other chick mag. what a waste of time.
    also,if the person writing the article is the girl in the pics, you have major butter face.

    Comment by Martylat — December 5, 2007 @ 10:19AM

  74. I am just surprised that it has taken this long to write such an article! Thanks, Andrea, for writing another greatly entertaining report. For most of those people who criticized what you wrote, they likely fall into the $30K/M themselves. Yes, a few may have been included unfairly, but I doubt that the photos were intended to be of actual $30K/Ms. They were a good and fair representation of that subspecies.

    One thing that everyone should admit is that there are lots of guys who try to look the part but don't have the wallet contents to fulfill the part. Yes, most of them fit the mold that Andrea described. Having been a bartender in the past, I had plenty of credit cards that were declined when such guys tried closing their tabs. It was not uncommon to see their group huddled around each other, trying to get enough cash PLUS credit cards to cover the tab. Would these guys be called a "pack," "gaggle," "flock" or some other term for an animal subgroup?

    If these guys are douchebags as well, would a group of them be considered a multi-pack?

    Comment by Sarc — December 5, 2007 @ 12:00PM

  75. This article is AMAZING. I went to SMU and encountered these guys regularly. Sadly, I also saw many of my guy friends turn into these DBs. I'm now in New Orleans and guys here are polar opposites of Dallas guys, which is refreshing. However, there are plenty of awful girls to go around in D-town too. Leave the clubs to the DBs and terrible girls . . .

    Comment by BB — December 5, 2007 @ 04:40PM

  76. Hilarious. I think you should travel to conduct this research in Raleigh, NC. There is this area of the over-hyped, still-renovating, pretty crappy area of downtown called Glenwood South or "GloSo" as the douchebagus magnus is calling it. My friends and I like to sit on the patio of the super cheap taco joint, drink cheap beer, and watch the "shank parade". Tight shirts. $200 jeans. Too bad you live with 6 guys in a condo.

    Comment by P-Fish — December 5, 2007 @ 06:11PM

  77. This company was inspired by 30kdm's (30 thousand dollar millionaires)
    www.30kdm.com

    Comment by 30 Thousand Dollar Millionaire — December 5, 2007 @ 06:38PM

  78. This is the best article I ever read it pretty much says it all. I live in South Dallas about 10 minutes from the land of the Douch and the 30,000naire is everywhere. You should try LEE HARVEYS where you may encounter the anti 30,000naire

    Comment by Andrew — December 6, 2007 @ 12:01PM

  79. Greatness. Only, you left out other indicators like the mandals (fancy man sandals or flip flops worn to bars) and the tribal arm band tattoo.

    Comment by Mikezimus — December 6, 2007 @ 02:30PM

  80. Seriously, how do I post a pic?

    Comment by MSU1013 — December 7, 2007 @ 12:21AM

  81. hahahaha!!!! you got the Dallas scene pinpointed. I loved reading your article. I have never laughed so hard, reflecting on every guy I have met while going out in Dallas. I think every guy who is a $30k Millionaire should stop wasting his time and spend his money on something important, his education. So that maybe one day he wont have to pretend to be a lawyer, doctor, etc. He will actually have the money (and intelligence) to pick up a young, hot, classy, lady. Until then, its a useless game and girls are as good at it as guys....we dress nice and hot so you buy us drinks and we get to flirt, and if we are in the mood, maybe a little one night stand. But it is all on our terms. So if you are a $30k Millionaire, let it be known the women you are prowling are on are smarter than you think and will hold out for a real man while she racks up your credit card balance. ;) see ya out there!

    Comment by megs — December 7, 2007 @ 01:43AM

  82. Lay off the author's looks. She's cute, if far from hot by Dallas standards, and to accuse her of using her writerly perch to get back on being slighted by men in bars is insane. And lame. A solid portion of her Observer pieces has been engaging and entertaining.

    That being said, the writer, and much of Dallas, say the polar opposite of the $30k millionaires, need to get the chips off their shoulders. I went from the DISD to an academic scholarship at SMU, which meant I got a lot of hassling from my childhood friends about going to school with a bunch of stuckup snobs. Are their ridiculous people at SMU? Yes, absolutely, a good 20 percent fit the stereotypes to a T. The next 40 percent probably have a handful of the maligned SMU-student traits but are OK people in other ways. And you have a bunch of other regular guys and girls. I student taught in a Park Cities school. Did I encounter little pricks that were just as spoiled and conceited as you might think? Yeah, but they were vastly outnumbered by normal kids.

    To the creative class of Dallas, your anti-snobbery is almost as obnoxious as the behavior of those you love to hate.

    Comment by Mike — December 7, 2007 @ 02:37AM

  83. The defining characteristic of the 30k millionaire is not the fact that they like to dress well and go out and have a good time, because who doesn't, but instead it's the arrogance and insecurity that goes along with it. By all means, have fun and enjoy life, but for everyone's sake leave your bank statment and the title to your BMW in the glove box while you do. I assure you, those who have the serious money in this town don't feel the need to rub it in the faces of strangers in bars.

    I love that we have Mark, the apparent "king of industry" who owns his own business (and don't forget his two investment properties). That's great, congratulations on your success, but the fact that Mark feels so compelled to defend himself to a board of strangers and publicly give a list of his assets to avoid bruising his own ego is the essence of the 30KDM.

    Comment by MC — December 8, 2007 @ 10:28AM

  84. Dear Andrea,

    I commend and applaud you for such a profoundly witty and humorous article. I have always seen these Neanderthals, but I never really took the time to understand them. Even more, I enjoyed your decomposition of “homo sapiens gold-diggus”. However, I disagree with you on the name of the species. The “homo sapiens gold-diggus” are actually called “homo sapiens trampus”, or “homo sapiens skankus”. You may be confusing them with “succubus gold-diggus”, a soul-less species that have black belts in “gold digging”. “Succubus gold-diggus” would not be found at said “ultra lounges” like the “homo sapiens skankus”. They prefer gatherings or watering holes to pray on their victims know as “homo sapiens money-baggus”, an older, wealthier, and more affluent species to obtain their holy grail, to become a “homo sapiens trophy-wifeus”. Watering holes of “homo sapiens money-baggus” includes Al Beirnat, Nick & Sam’s, Javier’s, Café Pacific, Patrizio and golf courses.

    I recommend you follow up this article with an article about both “homo sapiens skankus” and “succubus gold-diggus”. I have a feeling it will be your piece de resistance.

    Comment by La Divina — December 8, 2007 @ 03:51PM

  85. Excellent article! Can't wait to read the follow-up, "Slut-whores In the Mist", about the women who look for BMW's and gold watches to the exclusion of personality.

    Comment by GatoCat — December 8, 2007 @ 05:00PM

  86. Regarding "Comment by Mike — December 7, 2007 @ 02:37AM" -- a teacher capable of writing, "Are their ridiculous people at SMU?" demonstrates why Dallas schools are crashing and burning. Mike -- go back to elementary school and learn the difference between "their", "there" and "they're".

    Comment by GatoCat — December 8, 2007 @ 05:12PM

  87. You almost got away with it Andrea - You never put your own picture of what you looked like in the article. You went trolling and couldn't get picked? Just what did you look like? How come you were passed over? How come the girl who tried to catch one, couldn't?

    Comment by 29.5K — December 9, 2007 @ 09:51AM

  88. Great article!! I cannot stand the superficial and superior attitudes that ooze from much of Dallas, and I avoid like the plague the places where many of those types of shallow Dallasites gather. But next time that I get stuck going to one of those places, I can at least keep myself entertained by looking for the 30k-ers.

    Comment by Rory — December 9, 2007 @ 05:32PM

  89. Funny, but you lost me after the first third. Does an article about chavs really deserve over 2000 words? More proof that Dallas has no culture -- even the publications are really stretching to fill their pages.

    Comment by Cathy — December 10, 2007 @ 02:48PM

  90. I got the link to this story from a lot of people, so it's hitting some nerve. I used to live in Dallas. The whole time I lived there, I couldn't figure out how all those people had all the stuff they had until I heard the term 30k millionaire a couple years ago. I know how many people make more money than I do based on IRS tax returns and quintiles of income. The answer is, maybe, 2% of the population -- yet I would putt around in my un-glamorous hybrid, wear old clothes, and except for my turtle creek apartment, be generally free of douchbaggery as much as possible. But now I live in LA and work in Beverly Hills, where I've discovered a new creature: the $300,000 billionaire. These are people who have money from acting/modeling/etc.,. but live like the people above them they aspire to be. It's all a matter of scale, really, and its everywhere.

    Comment by ih8dallas — December 10, 2007 @ 07:05PM

  91. I got the link to this story from a lot of people, so it's hitting some nerve. I used to live in Dallas. The whole time I lived there, I couldn't figure out how all those people had all the stuff they had until I heard the term 30k millionaire a couple years ago. I know how many people make more money than I do based on IRS tax returns and quintiles of income. The answer is, maybe, 2% of the population -- yet I would putt around in my un-glamorous hybrid, wear old clothes, and except for my turtle creek apartment, be generally free of douchbaggery as much as possible. But now I live in LA and work in Beverly Hills, where I've discovered a new creature: the $300,000 billionaire. These are people who have money from acting/modeling/etc.,. but live like the people above them they aspire to be. It's all a matter of scale, really, and its everywhere.

    Comment by ih8dallas — December 10, 2007 @ 07:11PM

  92. I got the link to this story from a lot of people, so it's hitting some nerve. I used to live in Dallas. The whole time I lived there, I couldn't figure out how all those people had all the stuff they had until I heard the term 30k millionaire a couple years ago. I know how many people make more money than I do based on IRS tax returns and quintiles of income. The answer is, maybe, 2% of the population -- yet I would putt around in my un-glamorous hybrid, wear old clothes, and except for my turtle creek apartment, be generally free of douchbaggery as much as possible. But now I live in LA and work in Beverly Hills, where I've discovered a new creature: the $300,000 billionaire. These are people who have money from acting/modeling/etc.,. but live like the people above them they aspire to be. It's all a matter of scale, really, and its everywhere.

    Comment by ih8dallas — December 10, 2007 @ 07:11PM

  93. I got the link to this story from a lot of people, so it's hitting some nerve. I used to live in Dallas. The whole time I lived there, I couldn't figure out how all those people had all the stuff they had until I heard the term 30k millionaire a couple years ago. I know how many people make more money than I do based on IRS tax returns and quintiles of income. The answer is, maybe, 2% of the population -- yet I would putt around in my un-glamorous hybrid, wear old clothes, and except for my turtle creek apartment, be generally free of douchbaggery as much as possible. But now I live in LA and work in Beverly Hills, where I've discovered a new creature: the $300,000 billionaire. These are people who have money from acting/modeling/etc.,. but live like the people above them they aspire to be. It's all a matter of scale, really, and its everywhere.

    Comment by ihatedallas — December 10, 2007 @ 07:12PM

  94. I got the link to this story from a lot of people, so it's hitting some nerve. I used to live in Dallas. The whole time I lived there, I couldn't figure out how all those people had all the stuff they had until I heard the term 30k millionaire a couple years ago. I know how many people make more money than I do based on IRS tax returns and quintiles of income. The answer is, maybe, 2% of the population -- yet I would putt around in my un-glamorous hybrid, wear old clothes, and except for my turtle creek apartment, be generally free of douchbaggery as much as possible. But now I live in LA and work in Beverly Hills, where I've discovered a new creature: the $300,000 billionaire. These are people who have money from acting/modeling/etc.,. but live like the people above them they aspire to be. It's all a matter of scale, really, and its everywhere.

    Comment by ihatedallas — December 10, 2007 @ 07:12PM

  95. I got the link to this story from a lot of people, so it's hitting some nerve. I used to live in Dallas. The whole time I lived there, I couldn't figure out how all those people had all the stuff they had until I heard the term 30k millionaire a couple years ago. I know how many people make more money than I do based on IRS tax returns and quintiles of income. The answer is, maybe, 2% of the population -- yet I would putt around in my un-glamorous hybrid, wear old clothes, and except for my turtle creek apartment, be generally free of douchbaggery as much as possible. But now I live in LA and work in Beverly Hills, where I've discovered a new creature: the $300,000 billionaire. These are people who have money from acting/modeling/etc.,. but live like the people above them they aspire to be. It's all a matter of scale, really, and its everywhere.

    Comment by ihatedallas — December 10, 2007 @ 07:13PM

  96. I used to live in Dallas. The whole time I lived there, I couldn't figure out how all those people had all the stuff they had until I heard the term 30k millionaire a couple years ago. I know how many people make more money than I do based on IRS tax returns and quintiles of income. The answer is, maybe, 2% of the population -- yet I would putt around in my un-glamorous hybrid, wear old clothes, and except for my turtle creek apartment, be generally free of douchbaggery as much as possible. But now I live in LA and work in Beverly Hills, where I've discovered a new creature: the $300,000 billionaire. These are people who have money from acting/modeling/etc.,. but live like the people above them they aspire to be. It's all a matter of scale, really, and its everywhere.

    Comment by ihatedallas — December 10, 2007 @ 07:14PM

  97. I forgot how much Dallas sucks. I'm glad I don't live in that God forsaken city devoid of culture. The only thing Dallas has going for it is this paper, The Ticket, Mexican food, and Ft. Worth.

    Dallas has the most 30k Millionaires per square feet of any city I've lived in. FYI...the 30k Millionaire is alive and well in the DC metro area for those who care, just go to Whitlow's, Clarendon Ballroom, or any bar in Arlington, VA not named Galaxy Hut, Dr. Dremos or Iota. You can also see him in the "Syphillis Triangle" area of DuPont Circle.

    Comment by FailedMustang — December 12, 2007 @ 03:36PM

  98. Good job exposing these flakes! Now do the sequel and show us the type of chicks who fall for this.

    Comment by Rob — December 12, 2007 @ 07:08PM

  99. I have to say that after reading this profoundly enlightening work of art, I will never look at a BMW 300 series the same, ever again!

    UBER kudos!

    Comment by -- legiOn -- — December 14, 2007 @ 10:54AM

  100. This story is garbage. I don't read the Observer much except when I'm using the bathroom, but it's gotten so bad that I don't think I can even do that more.

    Sad times for me :(

    http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e276/haveagoodshow/1.jpg

    Comment by Michael — December 18, 2007 @ 12:11AM

  101. This article should have been amusing, however it was not. It was beyond poorly written, and the girl who wrote it clearly was unable to dig up any info, because she is too ugly (as confirmed by her headshot on her blog) to get anyone to talk to her long enough to learn anything. Next time but a girl who has English as a first language and a less repulsive visage on the case. I would like to see this article done justice so I can lol at strivers

    Comment by NorthEasternPrestige — December 18, 2007 @ 03:09PM

  102. What's the point in having your cake if you cant eat it?

    Comment by Mamba — December 19, 2007 @ 03:22PM

  103. This article is an absolute masterpiece! There are so many more layers to this lifestyle. The $30,000 millionaire is generally the 30 year old +/- who wears striped shirts, tail out jeans and hair gel. Because of his relative youth he can almost be excused for trying too hard. They are full of shit and too young to know it. The douchebagger that I can most relate to is the 50 + year old who routinely holds court at a place like Al Biernat's. To me, it is truly ground zero where older guys who drink a lot hold court and aging MILFs and their younger eye candy colleagues go in search of a player. Those old farts are far sadder to me than a 30 year old kid aspiring to be something he is not. The young guy is almost naive; the old guy is simply lonely.

    Comment by Gucciguccigoo — December 21, 2007 @ 09:13PM

  104. It all stems from Dallas not having a soul...thus no real culture of any kind, and you're left with these (young) men and women. A plastic city for plastic people. Great article, and a good laugh.

    Comment by InDallas — December 23, 2007 @ 12:15PM

  105. Great article! I have thought this for over a decade! Now I am single and have moved back from Florida. I am much more educated now and find the "scene" to be incredibly ignorant (as most of america doesn't even read 1 book a year). The women are pretty ignorant on the "scene". I tried to talk to some and got disinterested in even trying. I get tired of the typical "so what do you do?" question. As if they will be able to converse about what I do or are really interested? I have just been back now for a few months and after 1 month of going out and mixing with these idiots I am exhausted and I will say that I spent way too much money for such a shitty exchange of conversation and real entertainment. Most of these people are liars. They are over inflated and insecure "i feel better when I acquire material therefore I can't derive happiness from my own being" types who I have pity for. These people are anxious and full of red bull and vodka and will not live very long unless they get de-hypnotized from their coma of material and lies. I like you see them traipsing around the same locales you mentioned and I laugh inside.

    Let me tell you 30k'ers that you are in confusion. You know not who you are and may never find out. What a liability!

    Comment by Rob Thomas — December 26, 2007 @ 01:18AM

  106. I'll be the first to say Dallas is the mecca of plastic, vapid people, but that notwithstanding, this piece is a tad too bitter to be great. The Kenichi dumped-at-the-bar-for-a-blonde story and the self-description (short dark hair) indicates that the author has trouble scoring. Sour grapes, anyone? Fact of the matter is - nothing is factual in this piece. The author has no clue whether she is or isn't conversing w/a $30K mil. What's the point? Yes, they are out there, and they score the chicks they deserve, but how's that news? What's the new spin provided? The author should look into the concept of 'research' more.

    Comment by Gia — December 28, 2007 @ 12:19PM

  107. "the self-description (short dark hair) indicates that the author has trouble scoring" ... People with short dark hair can't get laid? Shit, that sounds like the real story to me.

    Comment by Sarah — December 28, 2007 @ 01:43PM

  108. It is obvious that the article hit home with many of these DB that posted replies on here and you can generally determine the level of their intelligence by their "comebacks". Pretty much all of their replies are always "Andrea is ugly and can't get hit on and that is why she is upset and wrote this article". How childish and immature is that? They have no argument so they immediately try to attack the author's physical appearance. Andrea did a GREAT job with this article and the attacks on her physical appearance is a testament to how close to home her article was. Keep up the good work! it is going to be tough to beat this great article but i am sure you will come up with something A. Grimes!

    Comment by Manny — January 5, 2008 @ 08:22PM

  109. At the end of the day women are nothing but attention whores and men just want to get laid. This is the way fo the world so why not take advantage of the situation? Never forget that half the people on this planet have a vagina, and none of them are unique or special so go through as many as you possibly can.

    I did'nt read the whole article, I saw enough to get the jist of it. Sounds to me like someone needs to get laid and effinately has an inflated sense of self worth.

    Comment by Dawson — February 6, 2008 @ 11:22PM

  110. I'm curious to know what kind of educational background these $30k millionaires have? I've encountered too many in my day... and their intelligence level is insanely sub-par... I was a camp counselor throughout high school and I had more interesting conversations with 5 year olds than some of these dudes...

    Comment by ProducerChick — February 26, 2008 @ 05:10PM

  111. love this. :o)

    now i'm gonna have to spot one of those...

    Comment by laurenRN — March 20, 2008 @ 09:57PM

  112. wow, what a story. i don't recall how i ended up on the site or the story, but the point is that i completely agree. im 29 now, but i moved to dallas when i was 22. im not from the city or any other big city or burb, so as you can imagine i was taken by the phenomenom. i was always tempted to become one of those guys, cause they got all the girls. but my charecter was always to strong for tempation. but anyways here goes a good one...

    this takes place a little over a yaer ago. one night my gf and i were leaving a trendy bar in addison, i spotted a vw jetta. sure it was a sharp looking vw as far as vw's go. but the thing that threw me off is, get ready, lol. The jetta had a bmw m-type badge on the back. i happend to know a few things about cars and putting an M badge on a jetta is like putting the corvette flags on a dodge neon. they are not even the same brand or parent company. of course i proceed to laugh and clown the car that is parked near the front of the bar. i mean im laying into "douchebaggery" of a car. then to my surprise the owner was behing me the whole time! and yes he was a 30K millionare. completely fit the profile. my friends and i also refert to them as "jakes". its a variation of the 30k'r. anywho... he tries to defend his cars honor and goes on about how much he paid for it. he says 40k for an M type jetta, but they don't exist, lol. he was trying to save face because by this time hes been spotted and people are now snickering too.

    i have more stories, but that one was the one that always comes to my mind first when i think of the 30k'r. but in my defense for being tempted to jake'ism, i wanted to get girls. I guess i was more in the the 60k range, but even that is still pretty dam sad too. in the end once i learned how to live in the city getting girls was not a problem, even barbie golddiggers.

    Comment by lou — March 31, 2008 @ 11:31PM

  113. One of the funniest pieces I have ever read!

    Comment by Wadell — April 2, 2008 @ 01:12PM

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