Elder Stateswomen

Despite appearances, the Ms. Texas Senior America Pageant, sponsored by Mature Texan magazine, is not a beauty pageant. How do we know? Because the Web site says so. Sure, they've got an evening gown competition, a talent competition and a "personal interview" portion, but just because that sounds exactly like every other beauty pageant you've ever heard of, well, that doesn't mean it is one. Besides, they also judge contestants on something called "Philosophy of Life." When I'm a Ms. Texas Senior, I know exactly what my philosophy of life is gonna be: "MORE bacon!" 'Cause when you've got one foot in the grave, you might as well go down with all the bacon you can. I'm sure Ms. Texas Senior Americans would disagree, being proponents of "wellness" and "healthy aging" and other such nonsense. This year's the 20th anniversary pageant, and past winners have been opera singers, teachers and even poets. Ultimately, though, the pageant is meant to promote "the value of our senior women." By parading them around on a stage and evaluating their taste in evening gowns. If that sounds like your cup o' Metamucil, check out the pageant this Saturday at the Doubletree Hotel, 4099 Valley View Lane, from 1 to 4:30 p.m. Tickets are $10. Visit maturetexanmagazine.com.
Sat., Aug. 16, 1-4:30 p.m., 2008